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You might notice you’re in a freeze response when you feel disconnected from your body, the people around you, or your environment. It might feel like a numbness or a fog that clouds your thoughts and sensations, making everything seem distant. Sometimes, it shows up as feeling drained, a tightness in your chest, or even slumping over as your body reacts.
This freeze response is your body's way of protecting you when things get to to much and cause overwhelm. Shame plays a role in this, too—it’s like a built-in system to help us learn what’s acceptable within our social groups. But if shame becomes a constant experience without the balance of connection and belonging, it can shift from being about what you did to being about who you are.
When we view behavior through the lens of the nervous system, it all starts to make sense. Shame can lead to different reactions, like defensiveness (that fight energy), avoiding or withdrawing (flight energy), or even trying to please others to calm the situation. Sometimes, we get stuck—there’s a lot of energy in our bodies, but we can’t act on it, which can eventually lead to a deeper shutdown.
Shame isn’t something you need to get rid of. In fact, trying to push it away can sometimes make things worse. Instead, noticing and understanding how your body responds can help you shift out of that downward spiral. When you feel yourself getting pulled into shame and disconnection, recognizing those signals is a cue to seek safety and reach out for connection.
Reflection:
Consider these questions as you reflect on your own sense of regulation and belonging:
Where do you feel a sense of connection or belonging?
Who are the people that help you feel more connected and accepted?
What activities help to regulate your system and bring you back to balance?
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