How to Stay Regulated and Enjoy the Holidays: powerful tools to help us stay grounded, connected, and resilient, even during the holiday hustle.

The holidays often come wrapped in a mix of emotions (no matter what you celebrate)—joy, nostalgia, and togetherness, but also stress, overwhelm, and the pressure to meet expectations. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling dysregulated during this time of year, you’re not alone. Thankfully, the principles of Polyvagal Theory offer powerful tools to help us stay grounded, connected, and resilient, even during the holiday hustle.

Your Holiday can be stress-free

Understanding Polyvagal Theory in Holiday Context

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system responds to safety and threat through three primary states:

1. Ventral Vagal (Safe and Social): When we feel safe, connected, and present, we’re in our "green zone" of regulation. This is where holiday joy, warmth, and connection live.

2. Sympathetic (Fight or Flight): When stress or overwhelm takes over, our nervous system shifts into a hyperactive state. You might feel anxious, irritable, or like you’re running on adrenaline to get everything done.

3. Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown or Collapse): If the stress becomes too much, we may retreat into shutdown, feeling numb, disconnected, or withdrawn.

The goal during the holidays isn’t perfection but staying flexible and aware of these states, using intentional practices to move back into the ventral vagal state when needed.

Remember to co-regulate with friends and family

Powerful tools for Staying Regulated During the Holidays

1. Start with Self-Awareness

Notice how your body feels during different holiday moments. Are your shoulders tense? Is your breathing shallow? Pay attention to when you feel open and connected versus tense or overwhelmed. Awareness is the first step to regulation.

2. Create Micro-Moments of Safety

• Breathe Deeply: Slow, diaphragmatic breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and helps shift your nervous system into a state of calm.

• Ground Yourself: Take a moment to notice your feet on the ground or your body in the chair. Grounding can help you feel more present.

• Use Anchors: Carry a comforting object, like a piece of jewelry or a scarf, that reminds you of safety and stability.

3. Honor Your Boundaries

It’s okay to say no to events or traditions that drain you. Instead, choose activities and interactions that nourish you and align with your values. Boundaries protect your nervous system and allow you to show up fully for the moments that matter most.

4. Prioritize Co-Regulation

Connection with others is one of the most powerful ways to regulate your nervous system. Spend time with people who feel safe and supportive, even if it’s just a quick phone call or a shared moment over coffee. Physical touch, like a hug or holding hands, can also be incredibly grounding.

5. Engage with Nature

The natural world is a profound regulator. Step outside for a walk, feel the crisp air, or simply sit by a window and observe the trees or sky. Nature has a calming effect that helps reset the nervous system.

6. Plan for Rest and Recovery

The holidays can be demanding, so build in moments of rest. Schedule downtime where you can relax, nap, or do something soothing, like reading or listening to music. Rest is essential for maintaining regulation.

7. Use Rituals to Anchor Yourself

Rituals, whether lighting a candle, journaling, or sipping tea, create predictability and a sense of control—both of which are soothing to the nervous system. Choose simple practices that ground you in the present.

8. Reframe Challenges as Opportunities

Instead of seeing holiday stress as something to endure, view it as a chance to practice regulation. Each time you catch yourself shifting out of balance and gently guide yourself back, you build resilience.

A Polyvagal Holiday Practice: The "3-2-1 Regulation Reset"

When you feel stressed or disconnected, try this simple exercise: use these powerful tools to help us stay grounded, connected, and resilient.

1. Name 3 things you can see around you. (Focus on details, like the sparkle of lights or the color of wrapping paper.)

2. Name 2 things you can physically feel, like the texture of your sweater or

   the warmth of a mug in your hands.

3. Name 1 thing you can hear, like holiday music or the laughter of loved ones.

This practice gently brings you back to the present moment and helps your nervous system find safety.

Embrace the Imperfection

The holidays aren’t about being perfectly regulated or creating picture-perfect moments. They’re about connection, presence, and finding joy in the imperfect. By tuning into your nervous system and taking small, intentional steps, you can experience the holidays with greater ease and authenticity.

May this season bring you not only joy but also a deep sense of safety, connection, and belonging.

We can have peace this Holiday

My Wish is that you feel connected, fulfilled and have joy this Holiday Season.

All My Best,

Ali